Flashback Friday: Return to the Teen Scene

phase mom
I don’t really remember much from my most recent trip to North Carolina, which is a shame since it was probably the last I’ll make for quite some time. It might be irrelevant now, but sitting here listening to Blink 182 (shamelessly) I can’t help but get nostalgic for a time when I could ride around drunk in the passenger seat of other people’s cars with no plans or obligations but to pressure my suburban peers to smoke weed with me on my trampoline. I’m referring, of course, to about six weeks ago.

After resigning from my position as Professional Salon Receptionist I managed to snag a few days between jobs to go home to the Triangle. The idea was that I’d see each person I love for about five minutes and have a quick spa session before returning to New York to start my “new life,” all while maintaining a therapeutic yet dangerously high blood-alcohol level. I’d like to share my experiences with you using the photos I found saved on my phone from that week, since that’s the only way I can recall what happened in the first place.
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Day 1: I spent the morning drinking vodka cranberries and tanning on the trampoline at my mom’s house in Cary until Greg drove 4o minutes from his parents’ house in Zebulon so we could smoke bowls and drive around. My friendship with Greg has been going strong for about ten years and we’ve spent most of them doing exactly this. Above is a photo of us on our way out to Chapel Hill to rescue some younger friends from the clutches of our alma mater. As you can see, Greg is sporting his classic UNC hat in forest camouflage and I am sporting my classic boob being out.

I guess it was something in the southern air or possibly the fact that I was WASTED at 4 pm but I really wanted to have a party that night. I made a huge deal about it on twitter and everything, which was sort of hilarious since it was the middle of the week and the only way I was going to get my friends out to Cary was to drive them myself. When most of them opted to stay in Chapel Hill, I googled “rude clip art” and sent these out via text:
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Day 2: My relationship with my mother sort of amazing in that I can be whiny and annoying to her almost all of the time and she just finds it amusing. I’m like The Simple Life to her. Above is a picture of me standing in my mom’s backyard after I forced her to give me braided pigtails and she totally surprised me by giving me this tiara! But don’t get it twisted. I may be the princess, but my mom is the queen. There’s a reason she just had one lying around. Later, Greg picked me up because he had to go to Zebulon to do laundry or something and I had literally nothing else to do but ride around with him. I hadn’t been home for 48 hours and I was already bored. Why did I think having nothing to do would be a luxury? Here’s a picture of how high I had to get to make up for it.

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If you didn’t know, Zebulon is a town in North Carolina made up entirely of fast food restaurants. We went to three of them.IMG_7424
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The next day there was like a hurricane or a tornado warning or something stupid, so I wrapped myself in one of the Ritz Carlton robes my mom lives in and treated myself to that spa day I’d been looking forward to all week. If you thought I was exaggerating about my mom being a queen perhaps her taste in bathroom decor will convince you. I proceeded to send my future boyfriend as many elegant nudes as possible, use every bath and body product in sight and get so drunk in the tub that I sliced the shit out of my leg with a venus razor. I’m proud to say it looked pret-ty gnarly.
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That night I was planning to attend one of the few events I used to look forward to back in NC, #NB4R. I was excited to see my boo Jermaine and of course hear what Luxe Posh was spinning these days, but the flash floods were putting a serious damper on my vibe. To lift my spirits I put my hair in my mom’s rollers and decorated my nails with some cheap stickers that just ended up falling off after I got Bojangles grease on them. IMG_7586
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At the party we spent most of our time either in the bathroom or outside talking shit. Apparently I was acting like a Teen Bitch to everyone all night, which seems accurate I guess. A pretty bold choice for someone who was camped out on the floor of the men’s room all night, but I stand by it.

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Anyway, it turns out airplanes aren’t time machines. Things have really changed in the last year and most of us have grown up and away from our old scene. This trip made it very clear that the North Carolina period of my life is dead and buried, or at least cryogenically frozen, and I’m totally okay with that. Still, it’s nice to get out of the city every once in a while and remember why I moved here in the first place. No shade on the old stomping grounds, but you gotta grow up sometime.

I’ll always miss Laguna Beach High School.

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oh, sweet deuces

My personal assistant sucks. I leave for my new residence in Brooklyn in 2 days and she has barely even started packing up my shit. The sink is full of dishes, my inbox is full of unanswered emails, the litter box is overflowing with poop and tiny pieces of clay. How am I supposed to be ready to move by Sunday if I’m out being ratchet every night and she’s sitting on her ass watching Gossip Girl or whatever?

If my assistant were real, I would probably fire her ass.

Instead the responsibility is 100% on me to not be a failure and literally get my shit together, and I’ve fallen significantly behind. Something happens when it hits you that your entire life is about to change, including your relationships with everyone in it. For some, that something is a state of panic setting in, sending them into a packing and planning frenzy (think Jennifer Hudson’s character in the first Sex and the City movie but on PCP). I’m taking the more lackadaisical approach of half-packing one or two boxes a day, considering that an accomplishment and spending the rest of each evening on a mini-bender. Remember those last few weeks of summer before going away to college? This is just like that, only with much less of an excuse for acting like a 17-year-old.

In the meantime, I have completed some of the items on my Triangle Tribute list. Since I am single again (I think you’re all pretty sure how this works by now) I’ve been looking for ways to stay busy that are simultaneously fulfilling and unproductive. Mostly this means going to Raleigh a lot to Sass, Justin and Katy’s house. Nestled in the promised land just above the fast-food strip of Western Boulevard, I’ve been “pre-gaming” with them (do adults call it pre-gaming? can I even call it that if I’ve never drank and watched a game in my entire life?) and then hitting the town, as it were. I thought completing this list was going to bathe me in nostalgia and I’d find closure with my birthplace then spread my wings and fly and shit. Instead, it just reminded me that I’ve spent the last 8 years doing the same thing every weekend and I could really use a change. That being said, I respect the Triangle and the Triangle knows. It’s an unpretentious place, it has some decent stuff to offer, and the people who love it here really love it. Just as with my recent ex-boyfriend, the Triangle and I are parting ways amicably. But not without a fight.

It all started when Reid returned from London and we decided to celebrate with my very first and very last experience at Top of the Hill. After forgetting my ID, faking an accent and telling a trillion lies to the bouncer for no reason at all, I was allowed to enter “the club.” It was pretty unimpressive as I could have expected, but my level of intoxication overrode any inhibition I may have had and I spent a good two hours dancing on a chair to every Rihanna single ever. My neck was only sore for the next four days so I must have done something right.

I can’t remember if it was the next night or not because my days have started to run together, but I decided to hit up First Friday with my Ralz crew a few weekends ago. If you didn’t know, “hit up First Friday” means drink at home until at least 12:30 am and then try to find something to do downtown. After heading to Dirty Mega and standing outside refusing to pay for it because we missed Chocolate Rice, we relocated to Neptune’s, what at times feels like Raleigh’s only bar. I quickly realized, I don’t feel that bad leaving a town where the main attraction is waiting in line for 20 minutes to get into a bar where the guys are all wearing flip-flops. Sorry Raleigh, I love you, we’re just not compatible.

After I’d had a string of bad days last week, I decided to make myself feel better the only way I know how: impromptu bargain wig shopping. It worked smashingly! Mindy, Lauren and Derick joined Katy, Sass, Justin and I in a three-hour boy band sing sesh during which we each consumed a bottle of something. Then we each bought more bottles of something and brought them to the rose garden. There were two or three other groups of wayward mid-week partiers with whom we made friends and by whom we were almost murdered. That was fun. The next day I drowned all my sorrows in Cheerwine and pink hair dye to repair the damage.

In other news, I finished my last day at Whole Foods on Sunday and found someone beautiful and perfect enough to sublet my Carrboro room. I think I’ve decided which clothes I want to bring with me to NY (I can only bring 6 suitcases so I’m freaking out). Clearly I’m in a little bit of denial that this is the end, but I’m just gonna put on these shades I found under my dresser and look toward the future.

RALEIGH I’M LEAVING AND THIS IS THE HARDEST THING I’VE EVER HAD TO DO, BUT I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. Cause that’s the kind of bitch I am.

Triangle Tribute Sesh

(Rose Garden circa 2006)

Do you ever feel like you spend so much time worrying and freaking out about bullshit that you miss all the fun? Lately I have been so consumed with moving to New York in FOUR WEEKS and trying to find an internship, a job, an apartment, my mind… that something very important completely slipped my mind: in four weeks I will be leaving the place where I’ve lived the last 22 years of my life–FOREVER. I shouldn’t be spending these days inside tethered to a computer and having panic attacks. There is only so much of this endeavor that I can control. I don’t want to wake up next month in Greenpoint and realize I never said goodbye to the place I grew up. So I came up with a plan.

THE CHALLENGE: complete every task on the list and document it
WHERE: the Triangle, baby
WHEN: between now and May 31st, 2012
WHO: me + whoever else will join me

1. Drink 40s at the Rose Garden
If you grew up in Raleigh, you know this is one of the safest and chillest places to drink illegally.

2. Dance on a chair at Neptunes
There is a 1 in 50 chance I will miss this. I don’t want to risk it.

3. Do a puzzle at Cup a Joe
Back in the early 2000s you could smoke inside of Cup a Joe. I was a very rebellious teenager without a license for most of those years  and sometimes this was the most fun any of us could think of having.

4. Drink at Top of the Hill
I graduated from UNC and I have still NEVER done this. While I am not ashamed of that fact, I still think I should try it to, I don’t know, have a point of reference when I’m old.

5. Pop Champagne on the steps of the new 506 Church
506 Church street is the address of the house that Team Big Things/Fruity Rebels LLC and I lived in from August 2009-February 2010 when we all first became friends. On March 1 the house burned down. It was, to use an obnoxious but totally appropriate word in this case, epic. Brought us closer together than ever before, blah blah blah. Point is, I think some chicks on the UNC softball team or something live there now. Before I leave for good, I would really like to complete this one.

6. Swim in The Lake off of Estes
This is a private lake in a neighborhood off Estes where they have a tiny beach and tetherball and some canoes. We always look really out of place because we clearly don’t live there, but my alibi is always to say I’m “Ruth’s neice from Portland” if anyone ever says anything.

7. Drink rum and Cheerwine and go to Cook Out
They don’t have Cheerwine or Cook Out in Brooklyn I’m pretty sure so this one needs no explanation.

8. Spend the day thrifting at Father and Son
I have been like 439826 places in  my day and never have I seen a vintage store this badass. I’m really going to miss all those weird manequins and polyester underthings.

9. Go to Pullen Park
*Sheds tear for childhood memz*

10. Go to the Ihop on Hillsborough in the middle of the night
*Sheds tear for high school and college memz and also bad service and incontinence* There is a chance I will go to the Waffle House on Hillsborough bc there are just as many memories and it is equally shitty but cheaper.

11. GO TO CRACKER BARREL
I realize they have these everywhere except New York City Proper. If I don’t get around to this one I have convinced my boyfriend to help me find the nearest one in Jersey or some shit.

12. Smoke on Bolin Creek Trail
Slash Windsor Trail and that trail behind McMasters. Chapel Hill has really amazing ~walking trails~ and many of them are well kept secrets.

13. Go to STIR
Let’s be honest, ~Jermaine Landon~ (twirl) and the Mix and Mingle events were the only thing that kept me sane during my time in Carrboro.

14. Go to FIRST FRIDAY and DIRTY MEGA without getting in a car accident 🙂
This one is a given.

15. Go to the flea market
I actually think you have to wake up really early for this and I work on the weekends so this will probably not happen but we’ll see.

16. Drive out to my favorite spot on Jordan Lake
Don’t quote me on this, but unless I find a place JUST as beautiful by the time I die, scatter my ashes on the bridge by the corner of Farrington rd and Martha’s Chapel

17. Smoke a cigarette at Longview
This was reallllllllllllly cool in high school

18. See a movie at the Varsity/the Rialto
LANDMARXX

19. Drink an LIT at the station
This one will be really easy.

20. Go the Big Chairs
If you drive the back roads through Carrboro, past Maple View farms and go almost all the way to interstate 40, there is a nursery that has a GIANT ROCKING CHAIR AND A GIANT ADIRONDACK  next to the road. It makes absolutely no sense, it is awesome, and I love it.

21. Sit at Open Eye and talk shit
That’s what you’re supposed to do at Open Eye, right?

22. Visit Goldsworthy and Trillium
These are two places on UNC’s campus where people smoke weed outside. I cannot tell you where they are or I would have to kill you. I have never done drugs.

23. Go Explorin’
I used to have a Ford Explorer. I turned the trunk into what we called the “Interior Illusions Lounge,” but it was just a bunch of beanbags and pillows and stuff. I used to drive stoners around and listen to 93.9 KISS FM. Now I drive a Civic, but I don’t think it would hurt to try and recreate this as best we can.

24. Break something at Brewer Lane
I have gotten into a lot of trouble for this in the past so maybe I will just like, play foursquare and drink boxed wine in the courtyard.

25. Get swiped into Lenoir
I hate UNCs campus more than anything on earth but I’m sure they will have that big breakfast thing before exams again and someone will have extra swipes. Once they had a lifesize Pillsbury Dough Boy. I was not sober. It was amazing.

26. Get HARE KRISHNA
FREE FOOD IS AMAZING SUPPORT WORLD RELIGIONS WHATEV

27. Have an outdoor meal at Duke Gardens
The word “picnic” is racist. Look it up.

28. Go to the Art Museum
This place is rad. I love it. The last time I went was for like 5 minutes and I didn’t have time to do anything but get in a fight with my (now ex) boyfriend. It sucked. Let’s do it over again and cross over that bridge that goes to the Beltline. I’ve never done that.

29. Crash a frat party
Someone help me do this I don’t know what a frat boy is and they will not talk to me I think

READY, BREAK