Baby’s First Blog

I was rummaging through my old Myspace blogs today because I was feeling (somehow) more self-indulgent than usual, and I found what looks like a pretty helpful guide for teens on how to avoid getting grounded. If any of my readers are still 16, I hope this helps you. Other words of advice: remember to clear your browser history, don’t spend all your money at Cook Out and if you ever get suspended you can always lie about it on your college applications.

Typos have been left intact for authenticity.

“this is about to be totally useless

it has almost been a year since my first little blog-myspace-adventure-type-venture and i’m feeling pretty psyched.

i thought that since the last entry i ever wrote was pretty STUPID, i would write another possibly less stupid one so you guys could stop thinking that i’m probably still that lame.

here’s the business. i have got absolutely nothing to do. thus my unexpected blogging. i’m in a sort of trouble so technically i can’t leave the house. this does not happen to me often. but just fyi i am not enjoying it and probably would not recommend getting in a sort of trouble yourself if you were mayhaps considering it. my advice is as follows:

1. Be Stealth- the whole reason i’m even here is because i am underly cautious to an embarassing degree.

2. Get Your Story Straight- there is absolutely nothing worse than hearing the words “oh but didnt you just say _________ was picking you up?” and then having to go “oh yeah that’s what i meant” and then face an awkward silence/stare combination. there’s nothing worse than that.

3. Don’t Have People Pick You Up- it’s just easier to get your fuckin license on time. this rule should probably just be “get your license on time” or “don’t be really stupid and set yourself back like a year and a half for absolutely no reason.” if you do that your life will be tragic.

4. Chill The Fuck Out- sometimes it’s better to not get defensive. if mom is like hinting at the fact that she’s got you…and is like no your staying home…then dont yell at her for being unreasonable. because then she’ll actually be mad and pull you out into the garage and give you a talk about lying to her like that right in front of everyone and did i really think she was that stupid, etc, etc.

i tried really hard to come up with 5 rules but i think the rule about not being stupid pretty much sums it up. 

as sad as i seem, a part of me wonders if this isn’t really a blessing in disguise. because without restriction i wouldnt be at home with all this time to blog and stuff.


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