THE FAB DISASTER

one hot mess trying to make it in the city


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Are you there, coma? It’s me, Kat st. Kat.

Late Monday night I took an effective dose of some mild painkillers and rode a bus 500 miles down the east coast. The following is an excerpt from my stream of consciousness.
“I am in a Long Distance Relationship with “another young writer” that lives in Brooklyn, United States.
On my way home from visiting him I have to take two busses. I am on the second, the megabus from washington dc to durham, and i can’t decide if i’m bored. I can’t decide if i am nervous about not having a ride to my house when i get to the stop at 4 in the morning. i can’t decide how fucked up i am after taking those two percocets. was the idea that i would sleep until i got home? i don’t remember. i think i’m having way more fun forcing myself to stay up so i can feel just how useless my brain has become. i am typing very slowly. i can’t remember if i already typed that. i am next to the emergency exit on the bus. for a while when the internet wasn’t working i debated pulling it to make a huge scene and express my frustration. the internet still doesn’t work but my second percocet kicked in and now i feel like one of those stress reliever balls. i feel like one of toro y moi’s synthesizers. i feel like one of the blockheads from gumby. i feel like anything on the show gumby. i feel like an animated video transition from I Love the 80s on vh1. i feel like i’m being given a swirly in a toilet filled with mashed potatoes. the thing about percocet is that it’s mostly tylenol.

i am listening to “Everybody Everybody” by Black Box, which is one of only 200 songs i put on the ipod nano that used to belong to my ex. i just reached to rub my itchy nose and on the way i slapped my mouth with what i thought was very little force but sure enough i am bleeding. Now I am listening to the song “Simple Things” by Zero 7 which is basically like taking three more percocets, lighting 50 tea candles and taking a bubble bath, except that instead of a bath I’m in a bus and instead of bubbles it is filled with some strangers.

shoutout to my boyfriend who is on a new york subway right now. i wonder if he is fucked up enough to pretend the random stranger next to him is just me and that we are still chillin. I’m trying to do that with the girl next to me but she has twist-outs which don’t look super flattering on white dudes.

if someone could keep a journal during a coma and we were able to compare notes…

but see when you’re in a coma you don’t have the luxury of making ridiculous faces in the dark because your face feels funny. so i win.

THE COMA DIARIES

SEX AND TEH COMA, BY ANNE FRANK

COMA ON EILEEN

JUST ME N MY COMA

COMA AND BEEZUS BY JUDY BLUME OR WHATEVER

-possible titles for a fake coma memoir

i could have packed like 5 more outfits in these bags under my eyes. i have to work at 9 am tomorrow/today which is pretty stupid. at work my friend Carl* who is on work leave from prison will be very excited to see me and the sugar skull i drew on a picture of what i think might have been a young queen elizabeth as a souvenir. Carl is my life coach. He teaches me about rising above the haters and following my dreams. He thinks i am going to write the great american novel. I have never mentioned wanting to write a novel. I might write a novel about Carl.

It feels like someone filled my ears with opium-infused marshmallow fluff. I keep seeing all this horse imagery on highway billboards and other than a vague curiosity i feel largely unaffected by this coincidence.

If listening to gucci mane makes you shed a single tear for your long distance boyfriend and crack a mona lisa smile while looking at the stars, scale of 1 to 10, how normal is that.

~

I feel pretty good about most things.”

*name has been changed

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